Excerpt 2: "Whatever Happened to Old-Fashioned Love?"

A popular song begins with, "Whatever happened to old-fashioned love?" The singer yearns for a love that would see him through the good times and the bad times; the kind of love that would last into his old age, a love like his grandparents had. Every time I hear that song, my heart goes out to all those husbands and wives who are mission an "old-fashioned love" in their marriages.

Why does old-fashioned love seem to be missing from our society today? Unfortunately, it is because most couples expect the immature, emotional attraction they first felt for one another to carry their marriage forever. In reality, however, they soon find that the "magic" is gone, and what is left are problems and children. Modern men and women are frequently unaware that a good marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor in life, requires knowledge and hard work. They don't know that what our grandparent's generation really had was the character to stick it out through thick and thin.

What has happened to old-fashioned love? People have thrown it away or traded it for something new and valueless. They have given up on developing the oneness of marriage and have replaced it with the singleness of self-interest. They have discarded commitment and made instant self-gratification the criteria for determining life's choices. Demanding autonomy, they put self first above all others, and they claim the right to "do it my way." They are looking for fulfillment, but they will not find it; they might as well be looking for an ice cube on the sun.

How does a married couple develop old-fashioned love? It is the result of a strong attachment to each other long after the physical/emotional attraction wanes. The attraction stage of love that draws a man and woman to one another can happen in an instant, as in "love at first sight." But the attachment stage of love must be developed over a period of time. There is no substitute for the companionship between two people who have years of memories in common: the same people, places, music, and events. A couple who has raised children together (and survived to tell about it) have memories that continue long after the children are grown. Warm memories, such as how we laughed when the baby said she had "pilty peet" while playing in the mud continue to unite us as we use this phrase ourselves while gardening. In the attachment stage of love the couple is so united that each member knows without a word being spoken what the other is feeling, thinking, wanting, or needing. They can even finish each other's sentences.

Nothing bonds a couple like living through illnesses and family crisis. And there is no love like the love that has been tested to its very limits, and has grown stronger. Love becomes more meaningful for those who live through heartbreaks that seem as if they will never mend, yet somehow always do. The reward for those who work at developing the attachment stage is a strengthened love that is worth any pain or effort to acquire.

After all the years of overcoming trials together, it is wonderful to find that you still thrill when he smiles at you from across a room. And that he still tells you he loves you. It is delightful to kiss the bald spot on top of his head and for him to see past your "laugh lines." It is comforting to grow older together, and to continue to love.

Peace reigns when all the battles have been won and the questions have been answered about who and where each one gives and takes. The best of times begin only after the self-centered motivations of youth are replaced with other-centered love, respect, and the fulfillment of mutual giving and caring. It is comforting to find that, together, you flow like a two-person canoe on a gentle stream, both paddling in the same direction; to know that if you hit rapids, the experience of rowing as one will continue and carry you to safety. Now, you each have a friend who provides a safe haven on earth and a life-sustaining security.

Can a Christian woman live a Biblical life and experience old-fashioned love in this modern world? Not only can she, but the people she loves are depending on her to do just that. Her husband needs her as a Biblical wife and her children, as well as future generations, learn from her example.

"That ye may be blameless and harmless, children of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world. Holding forth the word of life . . ." Philippians 2:15 - 16a

Our nation desperately needs Christian women who trust God's Word enough actually to live by its precepts. We need women who will live as testimonies to God's truths.

As you read, On the Other Side of the Garden -- Biblical Womanhood in Today's World, you will probably experience several different emotional reactions. At times you will be filled with inspiration over the purity of God's Word, and at other times you will agonize over the difficulty of your everyday reality. But, just as there is joy within the attachment stage of human love, there is also immeasurable joy from, "holding forth the word of life." I pray that God will use this book to raise you above the pressures of today and enter you into the enduring satisfaction that is offered only by a lifetime of Biblical womanhood.

_{This excerpt was taken from On the Other Side of the Garden, Chapter 1.
It is available at your favorite Christian book store, or from the author.}